Hello lovely ones.
Today after stepping on the mat, I realised that this is the most challenging task that I have ever set myself. Not the practice of yoga, but the practice of mind over matter. Self control and self awareness. It is a continuous journey of reflection and breaking every part of me down to its simplest form. Reminding me to breathe so that I can create the path to my goals and dreams. Yoga teaches me a little more of this everyday.
And with each day, I come to challenges on and off the mat. Sometimes my emotions do get the better of me. But I remind myself that a series of deep breathes could alleviate some of the pressure. And nine times out of ten, it works. I have a sense of clarity, a sense of calm and, a new challenge to tackle or better put, a new goal to fulfill. Bad things are usually a blessing in disguise, but we don’t realise this until after we have jumped the hurdle and learned a lesson. Go figure!
The other one in ten, I still have my fleeting moments of self doubt and my mind wonders to all the negative spaces and usually ends with tears brought on by a cloud of anxiety and panic. Resulting in angry bursts featuring flying avocados, other round foods and ex boyfriends gifts, to name a few; (I am a big fan of emotionally throwing inanimate objects at walls and down stairs etc) and a rather colourful and loud array of profanities and slightly OTT threats tend to be spilled out of my mouth. And it takes a little longer for me to snap out of it, but knowing when I need to, has always been half the problem. And for a while I didn’t know any different. Until I realised on the days leading up to that day, that I needed to drastically change my reactions. They only ever stopped me dealing with things and just sent me off into places I would never choose to put myself in consciously.
A lot of these situations lead up to a desperate attempt from myself to do something that would change my life in a good way, a little bit, everyday. And all of it lead me to the days of insomnia fuelled desperation of pretty much falling onto the mat after months of living in a world created by me out of weird sleepless nights and dazed heady feeling you get during the day where everything doesn’t particularly seem real, that stems from this over complicated lifestyle pattern I found myself living in. I had no escape from it. Until I forced my truly not ready and uncomfortable self onto that mat. And again. And again.
Being on that mat is necessary. It’s benefits out weigh the discomforts. The idea of things always seem harder when you believe them to be hard. I learned to appreciate the pain for what it is, healing and growth. I started believing that the next day the positions would be easier and I could push myself further. Introducing yoga into my daily routine has helped me feel more centred in moments of helplessness. To breathe, and focus on the now and I find myself asking “What can I do now?” Instead of the overplayed sentence that I’m so well versed in saying “I’ll do it later.” Don’t get me wrong, I’ve still got a long way to go, in yoga and life, but I don’t plan on stopping until I create the reality that I want.
We as a society don’t know anything apart from what we have collectively experienced. And each time an experience is retold, it is altered. Nothing stays the same and everything changes. We have the power to create Nirvana right here and right now. Starting within to work out. This is the time to change. The answer is always now, because now is the only time that is within reach, the rest is uncertain. You have to start before you’re ready to benefit the most. Start when you are uncomfortable. Appreciate the growing process. The learning. Being open to new ideas. The falling and getting straight back up. Because these challenges and bumps in the road will show you your strengths and allow you to turn your weaknesses into your best qualities.
Yoga is living in the moment. You can’t think of the past or the future. You have to be fully present. Breathing, aware and focussed. And you’ve got to love. It’s teachings on the mat have taught me more about myself in the past couple of weeks than anything else ever before. It’s shown me that I can achieve a certain mindset. Sometimes it takes longer than anticipated. But it doesn’t matter how long it takes to achieve the goals as long as you are growing, learning and most of all enjoying your practice.