Italy Dreamin’

As long as I can remember, I have been in love with Italy. The history, the beauty and everything else in between. I want to experience, explore and get lost in the place I have been dreaming of for so long. 

I’ve got plans to stay in Rome and take a course in Italian. I’ve been learning little bits but I’d like to be fluent one day.  I’ve pretty much planned it out ( but if you know of a place that isn’t really known, tell me please so I can explore!) eat food, drink all the coffee, do a handstand in the Colosseum, eat an unbelievable amount of food, etc, etc. All that’s left to do is book and pay and I’m working on that. 

And as a way to fuel the fire under the pot of dreams and plans, I made a little montage of a few places I’d love to meander through and most likely be awestruck by the sights and whatever else I find. 

Scenes from beautiful pebbled streets of Trastevere mostly. I could literally move there right now and be so totally okay with the stress of being really foreign again. Infact, I look forward to the feeling of the strange discomforting comfort that you get when travelling. It’s been a while, I fear I may have forgotten what it feels like!

I’ll be posting more and gradually increasing over the next few weeks which I’m excited about. I’m looking forward to seeing this blog grow and me grow along with it. I have so many ideas that I literally don’t know where to begin. But a good friend once told me to Start in the middle and work either way. So that’s basically what I’m doing at the moment. Until later!

Love, 

Skye

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Little Things 

I recently started using my trusty old moleskine again, with all intentions of making sure to use it every single day. Not just for illustrations, but also to remove my frustrating fear of the blank page. I had my old red moleskine for a good two years. And the most I had done was rip the majority of the pages out and barely attempt to use it for art purposes. Until a couple of months ago and promised myself to use it at least once a day and to stop tearing pages out of a £16 sketchbook. Blasphemous behaviour I know. Don’t worry, I judged myself too. But you’ll be happy to know that I have since stopped doing the unspeakable and I had to actually get a new one just before Christmas. So all in all, this little challenge I set myself has gone surprisingly well so far. 

I fight with myself on a daily basis to get things done. Sometimes it feels as though I’m on a carousel, going round in continuous and monotonous circles, with the voice inside my head letting me know that I have to put in the work and show up in order to create anything, which is playing over and over instead of the music.  However since I started to just draw without reason and make peace with the imperfections, I have found a new sense of comfort in the quiet moments I find myself buried inside of my journal.  

Recently, my nostalgia and wanderlust have been inspiring the most recent pages. I haven’t explored enough of the world yet and life is teaching me patience. Don’t worry life, I’m so totally ready to go whenever so, I’ll just be here, drawing nostalgic references to my past, whilst thinking about my future. 

I haven’t pushed myself with art at all recently. I’m annoyed by this yes, but I’m slowly forcing myself into a routine that fits me. A continuous process but I’ll get there. So here it is today’s illustration. Nothing fancy, just a collection of Little Things that have been found, given and bought. 

I have a few illustrations that I haven’t posted on here yet. But I’ll be getting everything posted soon. I’m always late, I’m really trying to get organised. But I swear, my life is 99% drafts right now. And not just in regards to blogging. So prepare to witness me attempting to be a fully functioning human. Feel free to laugh, because I do. All. The. Time.
Love, 

Skye 

Be.

What Am I Afraid Of?
Such a sentence brings me to the thoughts that have haunted me for years.

To be a bird in a place that is made for hunters.

I am surrounded by beings who are afraid to be alone,

I have been this person.

Afraid to bend,

afraid to break.

But my world has changed and as the smoke dances above

sending signals of change,

I realise they are not the same as I.

I am meant to feel different.

I AM different.

I am meant to be.

Some may learn to understand.

Others, not.

I am losing sight of my fears.

I have gained a sense of calm within the chaos that has engulfed the world.

But I am not to worry of such,

as I am not fearful.

I am alive,

breathing breathes filled with thoughtful changes in each moment.

Learning continuously in motion.

I beg you, do not stop.

Do not let fear encapsulate you.

It feeds self doubt and trouble.

Embrace your self,

your mind.

You are the power for which you so crave.

You are the wisdom for which you so desire.

You are everything you need.

And for these words I write,

I give you the sign that I so craved;

a reminder that all is not lost within,

as long as you find yourself hoping for more.

Be that person you so crave.

Be what you need.

Be what you want.

Be who you are as unapologetically as you can.

Trust that you are enough

and you will find that being yourself,

is all this universe asks of you.

Just Be.

Anxiety, Diazepam and Yoga: Memoirs of an Anxious Yogini.

I grew up as a vegetarian, in a household that used natural remedies and alternative therapies. Reflexology, Acupuncture, Reiki and Homeopathy were the chosen medications for any ailments that would surface. For the most part, I can thankfully say I have been rather healthy in my life. But in the rare moments that I have been very ill, where all the alternatives had been attempted, desperation pushed me to go to a medical doctor. I would be prescribed pharmaceuticals and with the majority of medicines, my body would reject them soon after by means of well, throwing them back up. Most of my life I have been a frustration to medical doctors, either because I have refused treatments offered to me or I have given them lectures on the proven benefits of homeopathy and other alternative therapies, which do work and have been around for far longer than the shit that they hand out as if they are magic skittles.

Then a few years ago, I started having blackouts, panic attacks and sporadic insomnia which was brought on by a variety of reasons relating to my past. Desperation and fear lead me once again, to a medical doctor and I was officially diagnosed for the first time with Depression, Anxiety and Panic Disorder. I was prescribed some sleeping pills and Diazepam (Valium) that were to be taken as needed. The diagnosis itself at the time was humiliating and equally terrifying. I was officially ill and officially struggling to come to terms with it. The diagnosis itself lead me on a path that had good days and bad, filled with a lot of soul searching and also a considerable amount of denial.

I found myself reading up on the medications I had been prescribed. I read forums, blog posts and case studies. Pretty much anything I could find and searched for more information so that I could increase my understanding of what they did and what was “wrong” with me.

As my knowledge grew, so did my awareness of the side effects and the likelihood of dependence. Since being prescribed the above, I have only needed to take them a handful of times and in truly desperate moments of panic or exhaustion. I refused and still refuse to take antidepressants. I strived to seek other methods of self-help which eventually lead me to the practice of yoga around six months ago.

Yoga was another desperate attempt. I had tried everything and I found myself in an exhausted haze at 6am on the 10th of June, not having slept in 3 days, I dragged myself onto my mat for the first time in years. That decision has been the best one I have made in regards to my mental and physical health, quite possibly, ever. Since that day, my panic attacks have subsided and my blackouts have also relaxed. I’ve had more good days than bad and the need for medications had ceased, until yesterday.

I have a history of experimental drug taking which in retrospect was used as a method of coping and escapism. I’m telling you this because I feel as though it gives me a bit of basis for comparison. In my late teens and very early twenties, I dabbled with a selection of recreational drugs and experienced a variety of outcomes, some, quite euphoric and others, well, vile. I can admit that I was pretty stupid in the earlier days, but as I grew up I researched and set limitations.

The reasons behind my choices in taking drugs were partly due to my life being thrown up in the air and being thrown into my own personal nightmare. Where I made decisions I was being driven by emotions where my first response was “fuck it, why not?” But later on, I mostly did them because I was curious. My experiences of drugs are most certainly not on the level of Charlie Sheen, but I have experienced enough to understand the appeal but not enough to a) get addicted and b) feel the need to continue. I barely even drink alcohol now, to the point where I would rather drink endless cups of coffee at a rave than partake in partying with Molly or the likes. Been there, done that. Can bars please serve espresso based drinks now please?

I have a family history of addictive personalities so I have always tried to be as careful as one can be when taking drugs. My addiction is coffee, which is probably my blood type and I am so beyond okay with that. And dependant on stress, smoking. But I’m working on the last one. Although this may seem hypocritical, but I wouldn’t recommend taking drugs. Especially as a method of coping with life. I realised this hypocrisy in hindsight. I don’t regret what I have done because I am who I am today through the choices I have made in the past and I am proud of who I have become.

Yesterday, however, I woke up in a silent, petrified and cold sweaty panic. My heart raced and my mind was doing its best impression of the perfect example of overdrive. Whilst my emotions felt as though they had been meticulously programmed into a soundboard and then placed in the hands of an over excited toddler with a mallet. I paced through the flat, trying to calm myself trying to regain control. My panic attacks come in a variety of forms, but this one was really horrendous. It felt almost as though I had been waiting for it to happen in anticipation. Which perhaps only made it feel worse than it was.

I became desperate to calm down. To be able to think straight. To stop my head from spilling thoughts that felt like knives scraping the inside of my skull, sending tremors down my spine and ripple effects to my heart which was beating so fast, my chest was viciously vibrating in fear. I desperately searched for the box of Diazepam and emotionally decided to ingest four 2mg little white pills. I stared out my window and thought of all the things I would rather be doing than feeling this way. A while went by and I slowly started to fade into the familiar feeling of what I can only describe as a stoned zombie jelly baby. Squidgy, floating and ethereal. I feeling I don’t particularly like, but a feeling I preferred at the time to the alternative.

I needed something to focus on that would make me feel more like myself. And after a while, I walked over to my yoga mat and began to move with intent, slowly and focussing on my every move. I felt extra weird and strangely  unbelievably focussed. My mind felt blissfully empty and the only thing I could do was flow. I can’t even tell you how long I practised for. I spent the majority of the time thinking only about finding balance. Attempting a variety of asanas that I knew would help me feel revitalised and stretched. I finished my practice with around what felt like an hour of meditation. Probably the easiest attempt at thinking of nothing because I am pretty sure the amount in my system had legitimately hit an off switch to all thoughts apart from basic bodily functions necessary for survival.

I felt particularly strange, not at all a feeling I have ever experienced. I have never done yoga whilst Diazepam has been in my system. My movement throughout my flow felt somewhat unnatural which is as expected. But it was the weirdest feeling I have ever experienced in my world of drug experiences. I felt as though I wasn’t in control. As though someone else was in control of my body and mind. That is a feeling I fear the most.

The comparison between a panic attack and yoga on Valium, the two are strangely similar. Not quite in control and slightly possessed. All in all, I’m not the biggest fan. Yesterday was a bizarre day that I hope I won’t have to repeat. It really was nothing I had ever felt before. I can barely remember what I did for the rest of the day too. I find that happens every time I have had to take Diazepam in the past, I struggle to recall information from those particular times.

What are your experiences with Anxiety and Yoga? Have you ever had something similar happen to you? Let me know in the comments below!

Love

Skye

Times have changed…

And things have happened in my life that have pushed me to places where I’ve found strengths in weaknesses. I’ve learned lessons from the past few months have shaped my life in ways I could have never imagined. But truth bleeds into life in the most unsuspecting ways and the greatest gifts are given in moments of uncertainty. 


My best gift, to me, has always been my creative curiosity. Drifting off and waltzing back to me sporadically and just when I need it. It’s been the greatest tool in every aspect of my life for many things, from problem solving to finding friendship. In my younger years I dreaded the honesty of creativity. But now after many years of running too and fro, delving deeper into the unknown and learning to face fears through force, I have found myself learning and enjoying finding what works for me. 


I left a place I thought I loathed, briefly with all intentions of leaving certain aspects of my life behind me but realisations and saying “yes”, then “no”, then “oh shit what” and eventually “why”, I closed a door and opened another.

What you think and what actually is, is not the same. Changing my perspective has created an opportunity to find myself in a position to tackle things I thought I couldn’t, but now I feel as though I can’t stop trying to tackle these challenges I need to face. 

Approach life with the most daring version of your creative self and learn to be ever curious. You may bleed and feel pain but the reasons will become clear in time. Practice gratitude daily and realise that the creative process involves all emotions. Embrace uncertainty, because when you do, not only do you jump into the unknown with all intentions of finding something that will reflect change, but you teach yourself that fear is not real and that you are capable of doing and being what you want. 

I actually did it…

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Hello, welcome and firstly, thank you for reading my first post.

This post has been put off and shunned by me and it didn’t deserve that. However the first post is a lot less scary to write when I’ve already written the next one because of my seemingly excellent ways in which I’ve persistently distracted myself from completing a version of this one that I was even remotely happy with. (I am the laziest perfectionist you will ever come across.)

Better late then never, as they say, now that there is nothing holding me back and all I wish to do is write all the other posts I have in mind and get this bad boy online.

My name is Skye Morgan, I’m a South African currently living in a small town near Birmingham in the UK. I am a Creative Collaborator. I dabble in illustration, I adore analogue photography and my therapist is a pen and paper. My cats are my children and my career is my baby. Coffee is my blood type. I live for festivals, art, music and film. I’m addicted to clothes, shoes and hats and I have a growing collection of pot plants and film cameras that are my pride and joy. This blog is a place for me to write and review my thoughts, current projects, past projects and future projects; a digital sketchbook and journal collection of my personal experiences ranging from emigration to retail management and anything else I might find inspiring or of particular interest.

I’ve been preoccupied with other areas of my life needing urgent attention to which I put my blogging and entire creative side of me on the back burner for far too long. I’m the type of person who needs to lock myself away from the world for a little while in order to create anything and recharge. It’s like I become a different person, when finally pushed and feeling motivated, I can manage to push myself further than I expected in the first place which in turn, makes me happy and more likely to continue. But I was thrown into a few things that took the urge to continue with my previous blog away for years followed by procrastination and excuses on my part (more on these interruptions later) up until a few months ago when when I was made redundant and something in me fired up. And has since been growing stronger and acting as the driving force behind two filled to the brim sketchbooks and an abundance of researching and planning has finally lead to a starting point I am happy with. I don’t particularly strive to achieve an end goal but to rather focus on the development and progress along the way. To keep planning and doing, with no end in sight. A completely different approach in comparison to the rest of my life.

I’ve started this blog in order to mainly better myself through my subjectivities and passions and give myself an added reason to start and finish projects and upload for feedback. It is also a showcase of my creative processes and my attempts to understanding them and myself. I’ve lived more lives in the past 24, nearly 25 years than I ever thought I would and there are things that need to be said, subjects that should be addressed and experiences that will be documented. And my hope is that my blog becomes the light out of my darkest hours. And I have a few ideas that have been with me for what feels like forever and I can’t wait to finish what I started.

So I’ll keep it short and sweet for now so I can get to writing the good stuff!

Love
Skye

If you’re interested in collaborating  email me at: skyedraws@icloud.com and feel free to ask me anything in the comments below!